Day 153: Love Does Not Envy

Last night, I prayed that God would make me the kind of person who does not envy and asked him to show me ways in which I envy you. I need to deal with the envy in my heart, since love is selfless and envy stems from selfishness. Additionally, if I allow my envy to foster, it might lead to bitterness, resentment, anger, and hatred toward you. That would not be good.

Speaking of envy, our oldest was so envious that I took you on a helicopter ride to see whales that she was angry with me. She didn’t want to talk to me or even look at the pictures of our trip. Poor girl. Maybe some day, she’ll have her turn.

Day 102: Timothy Keller’s _The Meaning of Marriage_

In the course of our marriage, I’ve read many hundreds of books and articles, but until I started 365, I hadn’t read much on marriage (shame, shame). In fact, as of a week ago, I hadn’t read a single book on marriage. That’s changed. For my 102^nd act of love, I read (over the course of several days) Timothy Keller’s The Meaning of Marriage. His book refined my view of marriage and was an excellent and interesting read.

In the coming days, I may post some of my thoughts on Keller’s book. For now, here are some things Keller said about selfishness that stood out to me:

Self-centeredness is a havoc-wreaking problem in many marriages, and it is the ever-present enemy of every marriage (56).

Self-centeredness by its very character makes you blind to your own while being hypersensitive, offended, and angered by that of others. The result is always a downward spiral into self-pity, anger, and despair, as the relationship gets eaten away to nothing (57).

If two spouses each say, “I’m going to treat my self-centeredness as the main problem in the marriage,” you have the prospect of a truly great marriage (65).

In light of Keller’s thoughts on selfishness, here’s a summary of what I’ve learned regarding my own selfishness through 365 Act of Love. Before 365, I was blinded by my own selfishness into thinking that I wasn’t all that bad and that you needed to turn yourself around. But 365 is changing that. I’m recognizing that selfishness is opposed to love and is death to marriage. (I knew that before, but merely intellectually.) I’m recognizing how selfish I am and the problems my selfishness causes for us. Now, I’m working (and God in me: Phil 2:12-13) to fight self-centeredness with self-sacrifice in order to reorient my heart. I know I’ve touched on these things before in this blog, but I can’t help but discuss what God’s been doing in my heart through 365.

Day 35: Once Upon a Time God’s Grace Found Me

Last night I planned on listening to a sermon with you on the Song of Solomon. I thought it would be good for us to reflect on healthy intimacy. You liked the idea, but said you were just too tired. So instead, we watched the pilot of Once Upon a Time while snuggling and holding hands. Instead of listening to a sermon on intimacy, we practiced intimacy.

For my second and third prayer sessions on my day of fast (see day 34), I confessed and repented of my marital failings. Here’s an inkling of those failings. While God never changes, I constantly flip back and forth between putting myself first and putting you first. Lord have mercy on me. While God is wise and his word is truth, I often go against sound judgment and I’ve even lied to you before. Lord have mercy on me. God is full of love, grace, and goodness; I fall prey to selfishness and lust, I keep a record of the wrongs you’ve committed against me, and I’m often just plain evil to you. Lord have mercy on me. I often think of our marriage simply as an end in itself, rather than something that God can use for his glory. What’s worse, I typically seek my own glory (I want praise for what I do!), not God’s; accordingly, I serve myself rather than you. Save me from my heart, O God! I confessed to God these and many of my other sinful acts and dispositions and asked him to pour on me his mercy and grace.

Thank you, God, for loving a wretched man like me! Once upon a time I was lost. You chased me down. You transformed my heart. Now, I am found, having being adopted into your family. In spite of this, I’m inclined to my wretched ways. May you turn my heart more and more toward you. And as a result, may I love her as you love me.

Day 26: Love Is Not Self-seeking

Last night while we watched a movie, I brushed your hair. (Can I be honest? Though I enjoyed doing it, I didn’t do it with the best attitude.) You’ve told me that you enjoy having your hair brushed, especially by me, but I haven’t done it much. Why not, though? I know you enjoy it and it’s not difficult. Why do I often choose laziness over service? Why do I consistently choose my interests over yours? I’m not sure, but I know this–“love is not self-seeking” (I Cor. 13:5). Selflessness is necessary for a loving relationship. In order to grow in love for you, I must daily deny myself and serve you. I hope that during this year, my character strengthens enough that I commit these acts of service from a genuine desire for your well being. May God help me in this pursuit. I cannot do it alone.