Day 269: Your Desires Above Mine

On Saturday I planned on going to bed early because I was tired and had to get up early for work the next day. When I told you I was going to bed, you asked me to stay up with you so we could snuggle on the couch together while we watched a show on the computer. That didn’t sound like fun to me, but I did it anyway because I love you. While my intentions were good, I fell asleep not five minutes into the show.

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Day 224: An Answer to Prayer, Continued

For the second night in a row, I suggested that we forego cleaning and hang out together instead. You were again on board with my suggestion. It was great hanging out with you, but our messy house is starting to bother me. It’s so tough to keep things balanced.

Day 223: An Answer to Prayer

On day 216, we prayed, per your suggestion, that we would have more time to spend alone together. I’m more of a task person than a people person, so it’s not surprising to me that you feel like we don’t take much time just to enjoy each other. Well, I took your prayer request to heart and made some time for us on Tuesday night.

That night, the dishes were piled up from dinner, the living room had toys strewn about, and our pile of laundry might’ve rivaled Mt. Everest. My inclination, after we  put the girls to bed, was to get those things done, then to go to bed. But I remembered what we prayed for the other night and I asked you, “What if we just spend some time relaxing together tonight and we’ll clean tomorrow?”

So, we watched some episodes of “Frasier” as we snuggled on the couch. You later commented to me that you really enjoyed our time together. I enjoyed it, too. To be honest, though, my idea of quality time is not watching TV together.

 

Day 216: Praying with You #2

For the second time, I asked you what issue in our marriage we should pray about. You said we should pray that we’d not be so busy that we can’t spend quality time together.

Good call. We keep a busy schedule. Part of that is inevitable due to our station in life. But praying that we’d not be so busy is just the beginning. We should also be intentional about setting time aside for each other. That might require cutting things out of our schedule. But what could we cut? I’m glad I asked.

I could cut back on work. But it’s hard enough for me to keep up as it is, so I don’t think that’s an option.

I could stop doing 365 Acts of Love. That would certainly help. This project consumes so much time, time that I could be hanging out with you or making money or becoming better at my job or sleeping or whatever. It also consumes energy, especially mental energy. It takes so much from me.

However, it’s one of the most important projects I’ve ever committed to. On my view (and yours, I believe–though you’re largely in the dark about how much time I spend on it), 365′s worth the time, energy, labor, thought, tears, pain, blood (JK!), etc. that it takes. In the long run, 365 might just be the thing God uses to make our marriage last. Sans 365, our marriage might have failed eventually, leaving a heap of sorrow and broken lives in its wake. With 365, our marriage just might (by God’s grace) last and 365 just might transform our lives and the lives of many others. It seems that important. So I don’t think cutting it out is an option.

And consider the fact that 365 is a vehicle through which I make time for us. Because of it, I’ve given this issue a bunch of thought and I’ve come up with acts of love that have allowed us to spend time together. I think, then, that it actually helps with this issue.

But there’s another option for spending time together, without cutting anything from our schedule. We can hang out in the evenings. When we put our youngest to bed early, we end up with a few hours alone together, even if we’re cleaning or doing some other duty or collapsed on the couch. Let’s make the evenings our own.

Thanks for making me aware of this issue and asking that we bring it to our God in prayer.

Day 185: Love Coupons

At one point, I said my acts of love would consist only in accomplished acts, not promises to commit acts. I made that decision because of my failure to fulfill the clean-the-living-room-for-a-week act and because you haven’t cashed in those coupons for household chores. After some consideration, though, I decided to give the coupon thing another shot.

During our first or second year of marriage, we bought a book of “love coupons,” thinking they would be fun to use. You left the book with me and said that they were mine to give to you at my discretion. I put them away, fully intending to use them, but never did.

A few days ago, we were spring cleaning when I found that book. I thought it’d be fun to give you one of them as a sort of reminder of our newlywed days. Here it is:

We don’t watch a lot of TV, but the idea behind the coupon is that I want you to have an evening in which my attention is focused on you and nothing else. I hope this works . . .

Day 101: Old Pictures

On Saturday, we looked at old pictures together. I wanted us to look at wedding pictures and pictures of us when we were dating, but we ended up looking at pictures of our kids when they were younger. Here was our clichéd but appropriate reaction: my, how they’ve changed!

You’re actually a tad overwhelmed with my acts of love (I don’t know why, *cough cough*). So, this week, I’m going to lay low. Maybe I’ll do some secret, small, and/or mundane acts.

Day 91: Romantic Dinner #2

For my 91st act of love, I treated you to a romantic dinner in our home. I planned on making the dinner myself, but work got in the way so we shared the responsibility. We made crockpot pork loin, potatoes, and vegetables.

Last time we had a romantic dinner, our kids ate with us. This time, I did what I could to make sure it was just the two of us (there’s only so much you can control with a baby in the house). At 8, we put the kids to bed and (wonder of wonders!) the baby fell asleep too. I then set the table up with your flowers for the week (which I’ve been consistently buying, but not blogging about), a candle, and our dinner. I also set the computer to play the 10 songs I bought you from your iTunes wish list (at that point, you didn’t know I bought them).

We started eating dinner and the music started playing. “Do you recognize this song?” I asked. “Yeah, I know this song.” We continued eating. When the next song came on I asked, “How about this one?” “Yeah, this song’s good.” By the third song, you began to wonder why I was asking: “Did you buy some songs from my wish list or something?” “Yes, I did!” “You went through all that trouble for little ol’ me?!” you replied in a slightly Southern accent. (I had to retrieve the wish list from an external hard drive, so it wasn’t simply a click of the button.) “Yeah, I did it because I like ya.” You started tearing up and thanked me. Who knew you’d like that act so much?

After dinner, I brought out a piece of cheescake for us to share. I started to feed you the dessert myself, being mockingly romantic. But I pushed the fork too far in your mouth and made you gag. After laughing that one off, I let you feed yourself. When we finished our dessert, we enjoyed each other’s company on the couch for a few minutes. Then, our baby woke up. So the three of us enjoyed each other’s company.

Later in the evening, our four-year-old daughter called me up to her room. She asked, “So, did I hear something about a romantic dinner?” “Yes.” Then she asked in an accusatory tone, “Are you going to a restaurant without me?!” “Ha ha! No, we already ate our romantic dinner . . . What’s a romantic dinner, sweetie?” “I don’t know,” she said as she shrugged her shoulders and laid back down to go to sleep.

With a great ambience, 3 sleeping kids, and a nice dinner and dessert, I’d say romantic dinner #2 was a success.

Day 51: Family Outing

I left work around 2 PM yesterday so I could watch the kids for you for a few hours while you got some rest. When I got home, you said that though you wanted some rest, you’d much rather hang out with everyone. So, we all went to the zoo. While at the zoo, our two-year-old daughter told us she didn’t want to go in the lion’s cage because then she’d just be bones. Our trip to the zoo worked out well as my act of love: we all enjoyed our time together, you told me you appreciated that I left work early to be with the family, and none of us came back as just bones. I did, however, need to work through the evening to make up for leaving work early.

Day 43: Card Games

Last night, I broke out our card games. I decided to play cards with you for yesterday’s act of love because we typically have lots of fun when we do (see day 19). I pictured us laughing, flirting, and being silly with each other. I pictured me winning a bunch of times and you losing a bunch of (Monopoly) money. I pictured you telling me I’m the greatest husband in the world and feeling my bicep. Overall, I pictured us having a good time. We did, but almost none of those things happened. We sat on the couch and played a single, quiet game of cards. Halfway through, you told me your feet hurt and needed massaged. I massaged them. If that was a ruse to get my mind off the game, it didn’t work–I kicked your butt (how romantic!).