Day 52: Intimacy

I decided that this post’s too personal for the blog, honey. If you want to see it, ask me.

Day 19

Last night, I wanted to spend quality time with you by playing you at cards. In the past, we’ve enjoyed playing card and board games together and have even done this on dates at Starbucks. (Some people take games seriously, but not us–we’d choose LIFE or Chutes and Ladders over Settlers of Catan.) Anyway, you said you were too tired. At first, I thought “what am I going to post on tomorrow if you’re not interested in my loving act?” But then I decided to let you determine what I would do for you. You wanted a back massage. I gave you one, but it was halfhearted partly because I was tired and partly because I wanted to play a game instead. I thought I chose game playing as my loving act because you’d be blessed by it. But perhaps my reasons were selfish.

In committing to this year-long project, I’m committing to serve you and not myself. Forgive me for giving you a halfhearted massage simply because you didn’t want to play cards. (By the way, I’m still going to use my play-a-game idea as one of my loving acts. I’ll pick a night when you’re not so tired.) May I choose each act based on what would bless you rather than me. (Still, I’ll end up being blessed as well! “It is more blessed to give than to receive.”)

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Day 1

Yesterday, I gave you a back massage with no strings attached. I started off with this because I know how much you love massages, how much you need back massages, and how grateful you are when I give you them (without expecting something in return!). I don’t like giving massages, so I didn’t have a great time actually giving it. But, you really seemed to appreciate it and that gave me joy. So, the benefits outweighed the drawback. Maybe if I keep giving you massages, I’ll even come to enjoy the process itself.