Day 36: R (in God) & R

November 4, 2011

When I came home yesterday, you looked absolutely exhausted. “I think after the girls are in bed, I’m going to take a shower and go to sleep,” you said. I thought that sounded great. So later that evening, I put the kids to bed while you took a shower. The kids were easy (I don’t know why you were so worn out from watching them all day, haha!). After your shower, I suggested that you relax and watch the second episode of Once Upon a Time. While you sat down to watch it, I made you a cup of hot chocolate (you seriously love chocolate!). Then, I asked you if you wanted a massage while you watched your show. You looked confused, checked my temperature to see if I was sick, then said “Sure, but what got into you?” Apparently, I haven’t made it too obvious that I’ve been programmatically doing kind things for you. That’s good! So I gave you a foot, leg, and back massage. You said your relaxing evening was just what you needed.

For my fourth prayer  session on my day of fast (see day 34), I prayed that God would help me love him more. That he’d give me the grace to desire him with all my heart. That I’d not turn to the things of this world for satisfaction, but to him since he’s supremely satisfying. As C. S. Lewis said, “We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” Or, as St. Augustine said, “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.” May I be willing to give up everything to find satisfaction in the only one who can give satisfaction. God, I love you; help me to love you. The more I love God, the more I’m able to love you, my dear.

By the way, last night after your massage you asked: “Why haven’t you written me love notes lately? So you give me three love notes in the past few weeks and you think you’re done?!” I guess I need to add more love notes to my daily acts of love–or else!

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Day 31: Foot Washing

October 29, 2011

Since our Lord commanded his followers to wash each other’s feet, tonight I washed yours. While you were sitting on the couch, I knelt by your feet with a pot of warm water and a towel and washed your feet.  Afterwards, I massaged them with a lavender salt scrub. You’re becoming very suspicious of my kind acts. At the least, you think my sudden change in behavior is bizarre. I explained to you that I’m trying to show you I love you and you said you’re fine with that!

I have to say: it feels weird writing this blog without you knowing. Sometimes, you walk in the room when I’m on it. My heart races, I sweat, and I get a pit in my stomach. I just hope I can keep this blog a secret because I want to see the look on your face when I tell you about it. I hope it ends up being the blessing of all blessings for you.