Day 337: Bike Ride

For this act of love, I had someone watch our kids while we went on a bike ride together. Oh what fun we had! We only rode around for about 30 minutes, but it was great just being out with you and acting goofy with you and looking at houses in the nearby neighborhoods.

You had just finished running, which was not ideal because you weren’t exactly in the mood for a bike ride (you got into it, though). But that was the time that worked out for our schedules and the babysitter’s schedule. If you keep up the run/bike combo, though, maybe you can enter a biathlon. 😉 Also, we had some sparkling cider that I wanted to use. My plan was that we’d bike to the beach, then drink our cider. But we didn’t have enough time.

Anyway, we still loved our bike ride. We really need to get out together without the kids on a regular basis. It’s so good for our relationship.

 

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Day 321: Praying Together

On Tuesday, I set apart some time during our day so that we could pray together. We shared things we were concerned about and others we were grateful for, then we prayed. I wish we would do this every day. I take responsibility for the fact that we don’t.

Day 306: 15 Minutes in Heaven Redux

On Monday, after all the chaos of the preceding 24 hours, I gave you my full attention for 15 minutes while I listened to you talk. But I didn’t tell you that I was doing this. I simply asked you to tell me how you were feeling. You didn’t need coaxing, but really let loose, which was a change from day 41.

You spilled your guts about our experience in the ER and at the dentist, how you were feeling, how you felt bad for our daughter, how we both learned much from her calm reaction to the situation, how you were glad we had doctors we could trust and good insurance, how you weren’t sure how to deal with our daughter’s change of appearance, how you weren’t sure how she would deal with it, how you were concerned about the way other kids would react to her, etc., etc., etc. An hour later I think you said all you needed to say. I didn’t say two sentences the entire time. Neither did my mind wander. You had my complete attention.

I’m happy that I served as a listening ear. I’m happy that we got through our daughter’s emergency together.

Day 290: Alone Time

On the evening of  7/14, you were feeling exhausted because the girls were insane enthusiastic about life the entire day. I asked you what you needed in order to recuperate and you said that you could use some time alone. So, I mucked around downstairs while you went upstairs for the evening and read a Nancy Drew novel (your favorite). I wanted to hang out with you, but it was better for you that you got to be alone.

Day 275: Alone Time

I made dinner for us on Friday. When it came time to eat, the kids were playing upstairs in their room and I decided to let them stay there so we could eat dinner together alone. After we ate, I called them down so they could eat.

This act wasn’t extravagant, but I enjoyed it very much. It’s so great to spend time with you.

Day 269: Your Desires Above Mine

On Saturday I planned on going to bed early because I was tired and had to get up early for work the next day. When I told you I was going to bed, you asked me to stay up with you so we could snuggle on the couch together while we watched a show on the computer. That didn’t sound like fun to me, but I did it anyway because I love you. While my intentions were good, I fell asleep not five minutes into the show.

Day 224: An Answer to Prayer, Continued

For the second night in a row, I suggested that we forego cleaning and hang out together instead. You were again on board with my suggestion. It was great hanging out with you, but our messy house is starting to bother me. It’s so tough to keep things balanced.

Day 223: An Answer to Prayer

On day 216, we prayed, per your suggestion, that we would have more time to spend alone together. I’m more of a task person than a people person, so it’s not surprising to me that you feel like we don’t take much time just to enjoy each other. Well, I took your prayer request to heart and made some time for us on Tuesday night.

That night, the dishes were piled up from dinner, the living room had toys strewn about, and our pile of laundry might’ve rivaled Mt. Everest. My inclination, after we  put the girls to bed, was to get those things done, then to go to bed. But I remembered what we prayed for the other night and I asked you, “What if we just spend some time relaxing together tonight and we’ll clean tomorrow?”

So, we watched some episodes of “Frasier” as we snuggled on the couch. You later commented to me that you really enjoyed our time together. I enjoyed it, too. To be honest, though, my idea of quality time is not watching TV together.

 

Day 216: Praying with You #2

For the second time, I asked you what issue in our marriage we should pray about. You said we should pray that we’d not be so busy that we can’t spend quality time together.

Good call. We keep a busy schedule. Part of that is inevitable due to our station in life. But praying that we’d not be so busy is just the beginning. We should also be intentional about setting time aside for each other. That might require cutting things out of our schedule. But what could we cut? I’m glad I asked.

I could cut back on work. But it’s hard enough for me to keep up as it is, so I don’t think that’s an option.

I could stop doing 365 Acts of Love. That would certainly help. This project consumes so much time, time that I could be hanging out with you or making money or becoming better at my job or sleeping or whatever. It also consumes energy, especially mental energy. It takes so much from me.

However, it’s one of the most important projects I’ve ever committed to. On my view (and yours, I believe–though you’re largely in the dark about how much time I spend on it), 365′s worth the time, energy, labor, thought, tears, pain, blood (JK!), etc. that it takes. In the long run, 365 might just be the thing God uses to make our marriage last. Sans 365, our marriage might have failed eventually, leaving a heap of sorrow and broken lives in its wake. With 365, our marriage just might (by God’s grace) last and 365 just might transform our lives and the lives of many others. It seems that important. So I don’t think cutting it out is an option.

And consider the fact that 365 is a vehicle through which I make time for us. Because of it, I’ve given this issue a bunch of thought and I’ve come up with acts of love that have allowed us to spend time together. I think, then, that it actually helps with this issue.

But there’s another option for spending time together, without cutting anything from our schedule. We can hang out in the evenings. When we put our youngest to bed early, we end up with a few hours alone together, even if we’re cleaning or doing some other duty or collapsed on the couch. Let’s make the evenings our own.

Thanks for making me aware of this issue and asking that we bring it to our God in prayer.

Day 198: A Date

On Friday, we traveled to a camp near Malibu for our church’s annual retreat. The day’s activities ended with a cookie-and-coffee social, but we thought we couldn’t go because two of our kids were asleep and we couldn’t leave them alone in our room. However, I found someone to watch our kids so we could go. We made it into a date, taking our time walking down there, grabbing some cookies and cappuccinos, and enjoying the night air as we bonded over dessert. It felt like a real date and we were thankful for our friend who was willing to help out.